I KNOW YOU USE THE ‘F’ WORD!

- An Insight into how your friend’s friend’s friend affects your Psyche, and much more!

Before you leapdive into the conclusions that your fired up Brain is churning forth the moment it saw the phrase ‘F word’, allow me to explain myself.  While I’m not denying that the title was a deliberate wordplay to grab attention (aren’t titles supposed to do that??), it just refers innocuously to Facebook and not the profanity I know you thought at first! And although the title sounds uncannily like the I Know What You Did Last Summer movie-series, it does not in anyway reflect what you’re about to come across in my write-up. If I’ve succeeded in arresting the page-flicking tendency of your fingers long enough to spark an iota of interest, read on...

 I do not intend to write about Facebook or Twitter and weigh their pros and cons. They are a much clichéd discussion topic now gathering rust. I merely would like to analyze what it is that attracts us to social networking sites so much and why Internet is a resource as vital to us as the air we breathe!

So onward to the million-dollar question: Why are we obsessed with Internet and Social Networking? Perhaps the easiest answer that springs to my mind is the oft-heard explanation that ‘Man is a Social Animal’.  True. Human beings are gregarious creatures. We tend to mingle and interact. And what better a platform than social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter and Blogger and Hubs? Here one can add friends and share photos, tweet about what is happening around us, blog about our lives and argue our heads off regarding shared topics of interest. Now if things were this simple, I wouldn’t have bothered writing this piece…

Today, these sites are not merely places where you interact with people in your life (albeit for some, people they’ve never met also!). They are places where you live out your best Alter-Ego. Come on, we’ve all done it! No one ever puts up self-derogatory comments or photos (unless yes, they are pathologically depressed) and always tries to project one’s best facet to the public. (Big reason why one should always be wary of online relationships – whether it be love or friendships!)

So just think – How many times have you hunted your gallery of pictures and let out a frustrated sigh at not being able to find that perfect profile picture? How many times have you logged in minute after minute to check for new status updates or tweets from friends or the celebrities you idolize? Or to see how many ‘like’s and ‘comment’s your photo upload or status or share has garnered? (Hey I’m not judging. Been there, done that!)

The thing is, we’re all starved. Yes, starved for acknowledgement of our existence (stemming from the fear of going unnoticed), for acceptance as someone of worth and for praise. It has been said that Praise nearly equals Power in its aphrodisiac qualities! Except that here, the love it generates and tries to sustain is self-love a.k.a Narcissism. No wonder socialites and icons who used to be in the limelight can rarely thrive outside it! But I digress. Let’s move forward.

Our day-to-day lives are influenced to a very vast degree by online networking, whether you realize it or not! If you want me to exemplify, here goes:

·         Every time you go dress-shopping, you tend to buy branded attire even if it lasers a huge hole in your wallet – why? Because your photos in Facebook may showcase it, that’s why!

·         Before selecting a new mobile or car or home appliance, you mentally go over the popular gadgets that your friends sport – why? Because you want to buy something that equals or rivals theirs so that yours can become the talk of the town, that’s why!

·         You dislike a newly-released movie or book after seeing some downbeat reviews without even giving it your chance – why? Because you tend to value others opinion more than yours, that’s why!

·         You pretend to like a popular chartbuster or a new food fad even though you didn’t like it personally – why? Because your peer group is crazily tweeting about it and you don’t want to be not doing the same, that’s why!

·         You cast your vote for a candidate without bothering to check his/her credentials – why? Because you saw that their fanpage in Facebook or Twitter profile had more likes and followers, that’s why!

It is exactly on this kind of ‘Herd Mentality’ on which that social networks thrive. I’m not opining that it’s bad, neither am I saying its all-good. Just that, the individual assertion of views seems to be lacking in many a circumstance and it is a powerful influence on our perceptions of right and wrong and our opinions! It is innately hardwired in us biologically to mimic others (after all, we’re said to have descended from the Apes right?) And Darwin sure was right about his Survival of the Fittest theory. It is the opinion and the trends set by the ‘fittest’ (i.e. intellectually, socially and financially better placed) individuals that dominate and mould the perceptions of the gullible - who strive mimic them to fit into the Hot & Happening dance floor than remain as a Wallflower of the party of Life!

My dear readers, your well-intentioned writer is not asking you to forego any of the pleasures that social networking can bestow. All I’m asking is for you to stop and think and act rationally. Just because you saw while browsing that some of your friends have got a new BMW from his wife or recently acquired a Samsung Galaxy SIII (does that make him/her more human, like their ad says?) or went to exotic locales for holidaying or got a promotion, it does not mean that your life sucks (excuse the strong language – it is just to drive home the point)!

People tend to showcase only the most witty, joyful and bullet-pointed success versions of their lives. By making conscious or sub-conscious comparisons with their lives (in an apparently greener pasture!) you are making yourself vulnerable to a loss of self-esteem and fear of asserting your individual opinions dreading the contemptuous looks or remarks you might invite from your more highly-placed ‘friends’. Are they then your friends in anyway?

So after all that dire Freudian psychoanalysis of mine (Sigmund Freud, pardon me!), I really hope I’ve not deterred you from the social networking bandwagon! Trust me when I say that Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, YouTube, LinkdIn, MySpace and the like are immense fun and a novel way of keeping in contact like never before! It has enabled me to keep in touch with all my friends right from kindergarten to college, most of my school teachers are there in Facebook, not to mention neighbours and family members who have settled in different continents altogether. Temporal and geographical boundaries blur and only their physical presence is wanting. Even my parents have joined up and revel in meeting up with their spread out family, long-lost classmates and batchmates of their erstwhile college life, plus their current colleagues and students!

My take-home messages? Simple.

·         Cease to compare your life with that of others. Do not judge a book by its cover and a person by their looks or online persona alone.

·         Preserve and nurture your self-esteem. Do not let it pale in comparison to the projected facades of others or their supposed accomplishments.

·         Be honest. Online and offline. It makes life a lot less complicated.

·         ‘Blood is thicker than water’ – Family always comes first, friends only next – whether real or virtual.

Cyberworld is here to stay. We use it to network, for our travel purposes, for research,  business transactions and for entertainment. It is sutured so securely into the fabric of our daily lives that there’s no escaping it. To be a good digital/real-life citizen, the best analogy I can come up with is to urge you to be like the goblin-crafted Sword of Gryffindor (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, remember?) – imbibe only that which strengthens you and be impervious to other detrimental influences! So what are you waiting for? Go log in!!

THE TRAVELBUG!

Have you ever been bitten

By the bug that ain’t a bug?

Bitten and very much smitten

Am I with the TravelBug!

Oh! What joy it is to pack

Your tiny world into a rucksack

Heave it on your shoulders tight

And off we go to see the sights!

Sometimes walking, sometimes trudging

Inching forward without grudging

The heady climb of hills quite steep

Does make you forget you’d craved to sleep!

At the summit as I stand

I begin to understand

The world’s far more beautiful folks

Than to you and me it at first looks!

Off we go to the next destination

Unhindered by the creeping exhaustion

For Will now leads my weary limbs

Striving am I to keep with the climb!

From valleys deep and canyons long

Spring forth brooks with their gurgling song

Tiny rivulets meet and merge

And raging rivers thus emerge!

As each reach the gorges tall

They have no go but to fall

And thus are born mighty waterfalls

Get under it and you have a ball!

Wet and weary you set up camp

On meadows kissed by fresh dew damp

Hit the sack as the stealthy night

Robs the sky of its light!

I wake up at the crack of day

With troubles at a land far, far away

To the serenade of birds which twitter and tweet-

Their lungs out many melodies sweet!

Making our way through the thickets

And brambles which are nothing but wicked

On we run with open hands

Out of the woods onto plain land!

Before this trip is ever complete

We wolf down a meal that is so replete

And off we go on the final lap

To the cities marked out in the map!

Now each city is a different story

Laden with years of unique history

Castles and relics cheat time and last

Reminding us of a valiant past!

Cars speed past on roads so fast

Leave in their wake mere gusts of dust

Buildings so tall they scrape the sky

Vying to be the one most high!

From the verdant jungle to the concrete one

Life’s diverse under the blazing sun

While fauna scamper to hunt and be hunted

People scurry past each other undaunted!

Nightfall brings an exotic glow

To the sea of humanity which on the streets flow

I drink in the lights, the smells and feel

Swamped in my senses and so I reel!

Sorry am I to turn my back

As I heave on last time my precious rucksack

Vowing to return as heartstrings tug

For yes, I am a TravelBug!

WHEN MURPHY’S LAW RULED A DAY!

I’m willing to bet a grand of bucks on the fact that everyone might have had atleast one day in their lives when things just didn’t go to plan. And that’s what the infamous Murphy Law is all about. For those as yet unacquainted with Murphy’s Law, it goes like ‘Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.’ It does seem a simple innocuous sentence doesn’t it? Not so much I can assure you, when you become the hapless victim!

25^th January 2008, Friday

It was our final year in school. Twelfth grade. Our board exam going batch had just been to school to collect the marks of the final Model examination conducted. An announcement had been sent out in school just after lunch that a dignitary is going to pay our school a whirlwind visit and that last two hours were suspended so that all classes can listen to his address. With the pangs of leaving behind a blissful school life already haunting us, we decided to hang around to hear the talk although we had been exempted (with the intention that we would go back and start studying of course!). If only I had gone home…

1500 hours: We gathered in our school Auditorium and displayed military precision in our assembly lines as the Chief Guest was ushered in by the Principal and other dignitaries to the loud heralding by the school band. He was promptly introduced to us as Mr. Prasad Agarwal (name slightly changed), a high-ranking IAS official who had been to visit our nearby Refinery and was consequently invited to speak to us too.

1510 hours: Mr. Agarwal took over the lectern with a flourish and engaged us in an interactive talk about how enticing the life of an IAS officer was and how they could influence decisions made by the top brass that would alter the way we lived. The whole school was all ears at his dynamic speech and we were feeling glad that we had stayed back to hear this speech…

1545 hours: A junior came sneaking up to me in the half-lit last row and poked me urgently, ‘The Principal wants you to go to the backstage. Right now!’ I was startled out of my wits. What could the Principal possibly want out of me now? My best friend nudged me and whispered, ‘You idiot! Don’t lurk around here. Just go and see what she wants!’ With a sinking heart I made my way through the side aisles to the backstage where the Principal was pacing up and down. ‘Ah thank God you were present today. I have to take care of some arrangements. You are to deliver the Vote of Thanks after this.’ It was not a request or even a question. Just a plain direct order. And I could not protest as I was the Student Prefect and it was one of the duties we had to carry out. But this was asking too much! Being told just five minutes before that you have to deliver a VoT was unprecedented. Not to mention unnerving!! As a last resort I begged and coaxed my male counterpart Prefect to take over. Flashing me an evil grin and citing the excuse of having to head the band he rushed off mouthing ‘Good luck!’

1550 hours: The main stage was applauding the chief guest as he made his final pointers much to everyone’s appreciation. I was sweating out like anything trying to go through the order in which I would thank each VIP on the dais while willing myself to keep a cool head and telling nothing would go wrong…

1600 hours: The comperer called my name telling the crowd that I would be presenting the vote of thanks. I walked onto the lectern and lowered the mike and started off, ‘Good evening to everyone present here…’ Thanking my lucky stars for a smooth take off, the heady tension began to ebb away slowly as I eased into the rehearsed pattern. And suddenly, Disaster struck! I went ‘I’d like to thank our esteemed chief guest Mrs. Prasad Agarwal for finding time amidst his busy schedule…’!! The instant it left my mouth, I was horrified!! What in the world made me say that?? The crowd in front broke into peals of laughter as I realized that the microphone had amplified that extra syllable that slipped out of my tongue! It was a mini mayhem out there as teachers tried to hush the kids who were clutching their aching sides and laughing and telling the unfortunate ones who’d missed hearing the tongue-slip. On stage, I dared to take a sneak-peek from the corner of my eye at my unintended target but he seemed oblivious to the uproar as he was immersed in an apparently interesting talk with the PTA Executive. Momentarily comforted by that sight, I did some damage control by marshalling my courage from rock bottom and the rest of the speech went uneventfully.

1605 hours: Beating a hasty retreat from the main stage, I ran into the Principal who suppressed a smile and assumed a stern countenance before clearing her throat and said, ‘You have to apologize to him you know, he’s sure to have heard it.’ ‘But ma’am…’, I protested weakly but she’d already pushed me right in front of Mr. Agarwal. Get over with it, I told myself. Worst come, he’ll be offended and walk away. ‘Err... Excuse me... Sir?’ He looked at me smiling benignly, ‘Yes my child, can I help you?’ ‘I came to apologize sir’, I said. ‘What on earth for?’ he asked looking genuinely puzzled. ‘Well, I... accidentally, referred to you as ‘Mrs.’ Instead of ‘Mr.’ during my vote of thanks. The speech was all last moment’s notice and (I shamefully hung my head) it just slipped out of my tongue’, I said. He took me aside and said in a whisper, ‘My child, looks like Murphy got the better of you today!’ ‘Who sir?’, I asked, not having the faintest idea what he was talking about. ‘There’s something called Murphy’s Law which goes like ‘Whatever that can go wrong, will go wrong’. Don’t worry about it. In fact, you know what? I never even heard your little slip-of-tongue until you told me just now!’ Seething inside at the Principal for forcing me into this corner while feeling eternally grateful to him for making light of the issue, I thanked him and was about to turn away when he said, ‘You do know what Lord Krishna counsels in the Bhagwat Gita right? He doesn’t at all advocate lying, but he does imply that one can delay the breaking of bad news to people for the greater good, if the occasion justifies. Get it?’ Saying that he winked and rejoined his group and they made their exit. I saw the Principal smiling at me and hurrying out along with them.

1610 hours: The great man walked out to a standing ovation in which I joined heartily, still pondering about the final pearls of wisdom he had imparted…

So that’s it folks. The day when Murphy’s Law hit me in front of a thousand plus strong crowd. But I’m ever so grateful about it because that was the reason why I learnt about this ‘law’ in the first place and also how to tactfully break unpalatable news to people, the Krishna way!

P.S: To the dear friend who challenged me to write about this embarrassing incident in a public platform, checkmate dude!

A SNORKELING SPLENDOR!

“Beti, yeh darne wali koi baat nahi...Bas apna haath mere haath se bandh lo aur paani mein sirf float karo...Is duniya ki jaadoo main dikhaongi aapko!” These were the last words I heard from my guide before fastening the clasp of the snorkeling equipment on my head. His assurance of our safety during the next hour and the promise to show me the magical world of underwater life sent waves of excitement coursing through me. I glanced back at the shore and saw my mom with a grim smile on her face, dad with an encouraging smile and my brother, still dripping wet from his trip, grinning from ear to ear and mouthing, ‘Its awesome!’ I took in that vital deep breath as instructed, grasped my guide’s hand firmly and sank below the surface of the waves, eager to start upon the exploration of the seabed…

It was the winter of 2009 and our family was on a vacation to the Andaman & Nicobar Islands. This captivating archipelago sitting snugly at the merging point of the Bay of Bengal and the Indian Ocean is a mélange of exotic terrestrial and marine flora and fauna, not to mention the queer tribal colonies that have inhabited these islands from time immemorial and to this day, remain unacquainted and hostile with the modern world still wearing only clothes handmade from animal skins! We were currently at one of the most beautiful islands in the group, Havelock Island, which is world renowned for its exquisite coral reef formation around the island that has made it the one-stop destination for activities like SCUBA diving and Snorkeling. Of course, SCUBA diving just for 3 hours would cost you a King’s ransom worth of bucks so like the vast majority of tourists we opted for Snorkeling as our means to experience the beauty of the famed coral reefs.

As I sank below the surface of the water, a world I had hitherto not known to exist in reality unfolded before my eyes. Peering through the goggles of the diving mask, one could see schools of variegated fish darting around playfully undisturbed by the presence of two beings from the above world observing them. Crabs and shellfish adorned the seafloor and seaweeds spread out their abundant foliage which bent obediently everytime a current of water passed by. Shafts of sunlight pierced its way through the aquamarine water, falling on the seabed and illuminating the coral reefs that thrived at the bottom making it all look exactly like the numerous programmes we see in the NatGeo channel in our living rooms!

An eerie quiet descended upon us, the only sounds being the steady paddling made by our feet and the bubbling of our exhaled air making it serpentine way towards the surface. The deliciously warm water flowed gently past one’s face and tugged at the weird diving fins one is forced to wear during this swim. A riot of colours hit the eye from time to time when we glide over the reefs that take up exquisite shapes like the WindPipe coral, SeaFan coral, Mushroom coral, Lettuce coral and many more. The most fascinating shape of them all was the Brain coral – named so for the obvious reason of its uncanny resemblance to the human brain with its grooves and ridges. The long slender tentacles of some corals floated lazily in the water looking like deer’s antlers, waiting patiently to ambush its prey when it passes within its reach.

My guide gave my hand a gentle pressure indicating me to wait and left me floating static above a particularly breathtaking reef. He dived down, did some poking around and came up with something in his hand which he handed over to me. It was a tiny sea anemone with translucent covering, slimy to the touch. He left it back where he had found it and we resumed our float around the island.

Many a brightly coloured fish flitted in and out of the field of vision. Any attempt to touch them was foiled by their superior sense of approaching danger and they scurried out of the way leaving just my extended hands groping about in vain. Towards deeper waters we encountered some large fish that regarded us with a bored glance and swam past, still remaining evasive to touch. At times, I fancied seeing some macabre shadows that instantly drove in the insane thought of predator beings like sharks through my mind. But of course my fears turned out to be baseless as they were merely some innocuous fish themselves or large clumps of seaweeds! The underwater sceneries drifting past gave me a surrealistic feel of being in a trance I never wished to wake up from!

I noticed the reefs thinning out and the populations of fish gradually dwindling in number and with a bittersweet feeling, realized that my glorious one hour was drawing to a sure end. Soon we were back at the shoreline where I saw my family basking in the equatorial sun waiting for my return. Returning all the snorkeling equipment I had borrowed, I thanked my guide profusely in whatever Hindi I could muster at that moment for delivering his promise of showing me the ‘jaadoo’ of the Seas!

Indeed, the experience of snorkeling through the warm waters of the Andaman was exhilarating to the very word. The abundance of life Nature has endowed our planet with is mind-blowing and one develops a newfound respect towards every living being around us. The enticing world of Nimo’s still lies in wait for the next traveler, ready to showcase its exotic flora and fauna luring him to discover its innumerable enigmas. So good fellas, what are you waiting for???

AN ELEVATOR ESCAPADE!

(Warning: the characters and incidents are not coincidental but an actual experience!)

“Sis, we are done for!”, my brother breathed into my ears fearfully. I looked at him to find his pupils all dilated and his face white to his nosetip. To be sure, I had goosebumps all over my hands too but I wasn’t going to admit it to my brother. Not yet. After all, he was the one to look after me, not vice versa! I’m younger! Okay, before going on with my story, let me get you to the instance we were in…

It was Onam break in September 2008. I had just joined Medical college and my brother, who’ was his final year in Engineering had his vacation slot the same as mine. Our parents had sprung a bombshell surprise on us one month back. “Kids, guess what? We are going for a tour to Malaysia and Singapore for a week!”, they said. Oh my! Felt like i could dance on Cloud nine! On hearing the news, my brother broke into a ridiculous war-dance clutching me and tracing circles on the floor till we were dizzy. Vacations came and the much-anticipated tour day arrived. It was our first tour overseas so we both were overjoyed and there was a bounce in every step. The first destination was Malaysia and we were staying in Hotel Grand Continental in Kuala Lumpur. And that’s exactly where this story begins..

It was the final day in Malaysia and we were due to fly to Singapore that morning by the 11am flight. We were having breakfast in the dining arena when our tour guide came in smiling and told, “All packed? We’ll leave and hour early than required that we don’t run into any last minute rush at Customs.” Dad delegated me and brother to fetch our luggage from our rooms above and bring it to the lobby while they checked out. We got up and I whispered, “What’s the need to go this early to the airport? All we can do is die of boredom waiting there!” My brother shot me a warning glance and headed off to one of the many elevators in the lobby. I duly followed him in. He pressed the lighted button showing 6^th floor and the lift began its ascent. We were lazily enjoying the soft background music when suddenly the lift gave a shudder and a strange swaying set in. I could feel that it had stopped moving. The music played on merrily as if nothing was wrong but the panel showed us we were stuck in the middle of 3^rd and 4^th floor!

He was composed initially, telling me, “Could be a minor problem, it’ll move soon.””Yeah”, I said uneasily, not feeling assured at all. The lights now began to flicker in a pattern. Heart hammering, he pushed the Alarm button down hard. Immediately a loud screeching bell shattered the music and began tolling on endlessly.

A male voice responded from the microphone over the bell, “This is the Concierge. May I know the situation?”

“Help!! We are in Lift no 4 stuck I think between the 3^rd and 4^th floor!” yelled back my brother.

“We will be assisting you shortly”, said the male voice and went off the hook. Huh? Shortly?? How long was short?? I was amused by the irony of the situation. Here we were, stuck in an elevator, in the so-called grandest hotel in KL city! And, our parents might not have known about our plight and our whole tour group will be stalling for time because of our dilemma!

“Atleast I’m not alone!”, said. I was feeling glad that I was a comfort to him when he slyly said, “If I’m going down, you’re going down too.. Haha!” Whew!! He was positively grinning at a situation like this! I gave him a shove and turned away. Time certainly wasn’t genial that day; twenty minutes ticked on and worry began to gnaw at my insides. I could see that he was worked up too. We were about to press down that bell again when the lift gave a sudden jerk and a lot of metal-on-metal mechanical sounds were heard accompanied by voices shouting instructions in English and some other gibberish language. The electricity supply suddenly went off plunging us in darkness. I was reeling back to similar scenes I’d seen in English movies of being trapped in elevators! Claustrophobia began to grip me with its icy fingers. We was surprised how a tense situation made us forget the omnipresent brother-sister war and knit us close together.

Finally, lights flickered on and the music began playing softly. The wretched elevator glided down smoothly as if it was the finest in the world and came to a gradual stop at the Ground floor. The multiple doors slid open and we stared out at a sea of people with anxious faces, the most obvious of course, our Mother who had literally fingermarks on her face. She darted forward and gave us a bear hug. My brother was fast being his usual self now. He demanded that we should take this issue up with the Concierge seriously. “Dad, think about what we went through!”

“Well, you guys deserved it for not using you eyes”, said my Father sternly and pointed to something above the lift double doors. Following his finger with our gaze, we both stared in horror at a big sign in red saying : OUT OF ORDER – DO NOT ENTER!